My Journey
I didn't enter this world as a plump baby. I was actually, very average: six pounds and some odd ounces. I didn't even grow into a very big toddler or child. I was always involved in sports as a child, too. T-ball, basketball, dance, ballet, cheerleading, tennis, etc. I wouldn't have ever considered myself a lazy child, either. My mom was always shoving me out the door to get my outdoors time and coupled with my very active imagination, I had no problems playing by myself or with our dogs outside.
It wasn't until I was about 10 years old that I started putting on weight. At least, this is when I remember it. I remember being made fun of for the first time for my weight when I was in 5th grade. From there, it seemed to spiral. It's hard to pinpoint how or why I started gaining weight exactly. I know it was a combination of issues at home and a very unhealthy view of food and what was provided. This was all before "Supersize Me" came out. Not that we didn't all know that baked chicken was better than fried nuggets, but I don't think anyone thought about the harm in all of the processed food around. I also think no one thought about those who overeat the processed food.. which was me! It really became a vicious cycle.. made fun of? Eat. Issues at home? Eat. Bored? Eat. No friends? Eat. The eating wasn't helping the problem, either. Big surprise. I ended elementary school - on the brink of puberty mind you! - with a chubby body and low self esteem.
Middle school was a special kind of hell. I gained weight while getting hips. Bad skin came and friendship drama. I was so careful to avoid being bullied for my weight that I formed a shell around myself. I wouldn't try to be outgoing because that meant putting yourself out there which meant someone might say something mean to you. I didn't make the tennis team I had practiced for months for. AIM was at its highest popularity and online bullying began. Not just weight.. but everything. If you know someone in middle school, give them a hug. It's not an easy world. I developed severe anxiety during these years and didn't know that's why I always felt sick and couldn't stand to be in a quiet classroom because of the anxiety claustrophobia I had. I was a good student, but couldn't pay attention because I was always nervous.
High school came, and it really wasn't too bad. I loved choir and theater. I still had anxiety, but having the slight freedom high school offers you, helped my nerves. Being around people with similar interests was a blessing and helped me to discover myself more. I still avoided people I didn't know as a whole and was terrified of new things. For instance, I was the president of the non-varsity women's choir. I could be extremely confident in some things, but outside of my box.. just, no.
I moved to Dallas for college. Not knowing anyone or a new town is extremely intimidating and exciting. Being 18, I had a LOT to learn about life , others, and myself. I will never regret making the decision to go away for college. College is where I REALLY came out of my shell. I went to a smaller Christian school where everyone was like a family. There were no sororities or fraternities at the time. People genuinely cared about you and it was pretty easy to make friends. I made some of the best ones! I had a blast. I discovered a new city and made lasting relationships. I was heavy but didn't feel like my weight was always climbing. I think at this time, my weight was a slow crawl. My anxiety was pretty low considering all the freedom I had.
I became really frustrated the Summer before I went back to school to graduate in December (2010). My weight was up and I was feeling bad. I was introduced to HCG which promotes losing 1-2 lbs a day. Sounded like a miracle. All I had to do was eat 500 calories a day. I lost 20 lbs in three weeks before heading back to school and thought I was in heaven.
Then that last semester something happened and I kind of snapped. Not in the psychotic crazy way, but more so my anxiety peaked higher than I have ever seen it. I could barely function. I decided it would be best for me to move back home after graduation.
Since then, I have seen my weight all over the charts. I have done HCG so many times I cannot remember them all. On a few separate occasions I have lost 60 lbs with it. Key words: A FEW SEPARATE OCCASIONS. I always gained the weight back. I guess it shows that I have enough self control to starve myself, and none for when I binge eat. What I don't have is a BALANCE! I have a huge desire to know food the way God intended me to. To feel alive in my own skin. To live a quality and healthful life. To have babies!
High school came, and it really wasn't too bad. I loved choir and theater. I still had anxiety, but having the slight freedom high school offers you, helped my nerves. Being around people with similar interests was a blessing and helped me to discover myself more. I still avoided people I didn't know as a whole and was terrified of new things. For instance, I was the president of the non-varsity women's choir. I could be extremely confident in some things, but outside of my box.. just, no.
I moved to Dallas for college. Not knowing anyone or a new town is extremely intimidating and exciting. Being 18, I had a LOT to learn about life , others, and myself. I will never regret making the decision to go away for college. College is where I REALLY came out of my shell. I went to a smaller Christian school where everyone was like a family. There were no sororities or fraternities at the time. People genuinely cared about you and it was pretty easy to make friends. I made some of the best ones! I had a blast. I discovered a new city and made lasting relationships. I was heavy but didn't feel like my weight was always climbing. I think at this time, my weight was a slow crawl. My anxiety was pretty low considering all the freedom I had.
I became really frustrated the Summer before I went back to school to graduate in December (2010). My weight was up and I was feeling bad. I was introduced to HCG which promotes losing 1-2 lbs a day. Sounded like a miracle. All I had to do was eat 500 calories a day. I lost 20 lbs in three weeks before heading back to school and thought I was in heaven.
Then that last semester something happened and I kind of snapped. Not in the psychotic crazy way, but more so my anxiety peaked higher than I have ever seen it. I could barely function. I decided it would be best for me to move back home after graduation.
Since then, I have seen my weight all over the charts. I have done HCG so many times I cannot remember them all. On a few separate occasions I have lost 60 lbs with it. Key words: A FEW SEPARATE OCCASIONS. I always gained the weight back. I guess it shows that I have enough self control to starve myself, and none for when I binge eat. What I don't have is a BALANCE! I have a huge desire to know food the way God intended me to. To feel alive in my own skin. To live a quality and healthful life. To have babies!
The piece of the puzzle that kind of ties my story together is a disease I have called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). PCOS is nasty. It looks like diabetes in a lot of ways, and can be a precursor to that. It is the number one cause of infertility. It messes with your hormone levels and blood sugars. It makes it REALLY easy to gain weight and REALLY hard to lose it. I have to work a million times harder than those without it in order to maintain a healthy life. But the reality of it is, that if I don't get it under control now, the disease will ruin me. And I just can't have that happen.
I recently married the man of my dreams on March 8, 2014. He is my best friend and ultimate accomplice. I love living life with him. We both have a passion for healthy living and are ready to get after it! I am so grateful to have met a truly great man who has loved me at my worst. He knows what I look like and still thinks I'm beautiful. This journey is not about being skinny.. it is about being healthy for my husband, family, and future babies. I know I am loved. I am ready to love myself.
Since my dad passed away on May 2, 2014 from melanoma cancer, I have taken a hiatus. In that time I have managed to gain even more weight to the point of daily pain. I'm over this. I am ready to get back on the bandwagon and kick some butt!
Why "For the Love of Curves?" Because I LOVE curves. I love being a girl. I have no desire to be a rail, but would really love to see some curves in different directions than where they are now! I think there is something brilliant about being curvaceous. I love celebrating femininity and strength. For the Love of Curves just fits.
I recently married the man of my dreams on March 8, 2014. He is my best friend and ultimate accomplice. I love living life with him. We both have a passion for healthy living and are ready to get after it! I am so grateful to have met a truly great man who has loved me at my worst. He knows what I look like and still thinks I'm beautiful. This journey is not about being skinny.. it is about being healthy for my husband, family, and future babies. I know I am loved. I am ready to love myself.
Since my dad passed away on May 2, 2014 from melanoma cancer, I have taken a hiatus. In that time I have managed to gain even more weight to the point of daily pain. I'm over this. I am ready to get back on the bandwagon and kick some butt!
Why "For the Love of Curves?" Because I LOVE curves. I love being a girl. I have no desire to be a rail, but would really love to see some curves in different directions than where they are now! I think there is something brilliant about being curvaceous. I love celebrating femininity and strength. For the Love of Curves just fits.